The lights are dimmed, shades are down and your favorite scented candles are burning. The mood is just right to say hello to your monster but is masturbating to porn a good thing or not? To answer that question, yes and no. There is no such thing as good or bad but only consequences of your actions. Every consequence is either desirable or undesirable.
Whether the consequences of masturbating are desirable or not depends greatly on your perspective and who you are. It’s not the action in itself that makes something bad but the person who is doing it.
If the action (masturbating) in itself was inherently negative or positive everyone would have the same response to it. If getting off to porn was bad for you then EVERYONE would experience negative consequences when they did it but we know that is not always the case. Some have good consequences while others have horrible negative consequences.
Most people enjoy labeling something as "bad" without ever thinking that they may play a role in their negative experience. Even worse is that they like to tell others that it’s a "bad" idea-"oh no, you shouldn’t do that!"
Negative Consequences of Watching Porn
The first negative consequence of watching porn can be a very detrimental one: pre-mature ejaculation. Nothing is worse than waiting so long to have sex and when you finally get an opportunity to get laid it’s over in a few seconds. You dread looking at the girl to confirm her disappointment in your performance.
Growing up in a house with other people means that you need to break out some sneaky ninja skills when masturbating. You need to be quick, agile and most importantly not get caught. The fear of getting caught causes you to become speedster when it comes to giving yourself the low five. Get it done quickly before anyone discovers what you are doing or feel the shame of getting caught.
Unfortunately this will cause you to cum quickly when you trade in the computer screen for the real thing. Our bodies are good at learning and remembering things. Through muscle memory we learn skills and abilities that surpass conscious thinking. Without body memory no one would be able to play an instrument or drive a car because we would be thinking too much about every little action.
Cumming too quickly is the result of training your body to remember to do so. Over many quick sessions your body develops a stimulus response to seeing a naked woman. Your body knows that when you get sexually excited it’s time to have an orgasm.
Your body will respond the way you train it to. If, for example, you masturbate very quickly your body will respond by cuming quickly as well. On the other hand if you take your time your body will be trained to wait a long period of time before reaching climax.
The mind doesn’t have the ability to tell the difference between fantasy and reality. If you dream it your mind believes it. Whenever you fantasize about sleeping with the girl whose thong was hanging out the entire class you mind believes that to be real. Since you came very quickly in the fantasy your mind will send messages to the body to cum quickly when you run into the same situation in real life.
On top of that your mind likes to generalize and lump everything into one nice, neat category. It doesn’t see unique and special tits, it lumps them all into one category. When you train your mind and body to cum quickly to one naked woman it will transfer that programing over to any other women you see.
Guilt, Shame and Maddona/Whore Complex
Almost everyone has been brought up on the idea that sex and masturbating is something to be ashamed of. Through society, parents and religion we have been taught to hide our sexual nature instead of embracing it. The biggest tactic of getting people to hide their sexuality is through guilt and shame. The more guilt you have the less likely you will to engage in fun sexual acts.
This guilt and shame is triggered (mostly unconsciously) every time you masturbate. You enjoy it in the moment but shortly after the negative emotions start to come to the surface. You feel guilty or shameful every time you "sin" which leads to lower self confidence.
Porn also leads to deepen your Madonna/Whore complex. The programing that you received from church, society and parents helps you to see women in two different ways: the Madonna and the whore. The Madonna is the good girl that you marry and the whore is someone you use for sex.
Porn will give you an unrealistic view of sex and love. As much as you logically know that porn isn’t really how sex is your mind will start to see it that way. You will see women as a masturbation tool and sex as a jack hammer exhibition.
Masturbating will trigger your guilt and shame which will bring up your Madonna/ whore complex issues. Any woman that is sexual and enjoys sex will be seen as a whore through eyes because of your addiction to porn. If you do sleep with a woman you will judge her and yourself for it-no matter what you do you just can’t win.
People have many different ways of distracting themselves when they are stressed out or slightly depressed. When I get into that state I like to do absolutely nothing and just relax. Some like to exercise or drink and some like to get off to Internet porn.
There is nothing wrong with taking a break from life from time to time. It will help you to refocus your mind and build your energy back up to handle the difficult task at hand. Taking a break becomes a problem when you use it to completely ignore and distract yourself from what needs to be done.
Unfortunately another con of masturbating is that it is used to distract yourself from life’s problem. There is a thin line from taking a break and turning your back to your issues. Far too often people cross that line and become addicted to their distraction of choice.
Whacking it to porn is a very large distraction for men who are lacking in skills with women. Instead of taking on this challenge head first they resign to a life of distraction in their fantasy world-"out of mind and into porn."
The problem is that NO matter how hard you try you can never run from your issues. Once you are aware of them there is no going back to blissful ignorance. You can go full force into hiding from them in your porn addiction but they will find you.
A Quick Note before we get to the Positives
I never really bought into the idea that releasing male fluids will drain your life energy. I think it’s complete bullshit that having sex or masturbating, life’s greatest pleasures, will leave you feeling drained.
To me, it seems like the notion that cumming will take away a man’s energy stems from the Church’s belief that masturbating and having sex is a "sin." It’s essentially the same type of ‘this is bad for you’ programming that the Church is perpetuating.
On a genetic level our goal as individuals is to perpetuate the species through sex. We want to live long enough to pass on our seed to as many people as possible. With that said, it seems wrong to believe that our basic design is flawed and our instincts got it wrong.
We are born to fuck and enjoy sex. We feel drained at times after sex not because we are losing our ‘male energies’ but because we aren’t in great shape. If you worked out and ate right you wouldn’t feel any energy lose.
It turns out that sex is life affirming. Not having sex will cause you to become very anxious and unbalanced. "that guy needs to get laid" is said for a reason. His neurotic behavior can be balanced out by enjoying the basic of needs.
If you have bought into this new age spiritual bullshit that cumming is a bad thing get that out of your head right now. Some of you who can attest to this belief are experiencing a placebo effect. The body reacts to your minds beliefs. If you believe you will feel drained after you cum your body will act in accordance.
Positive Consequences of Watching Porn
That was a long list of negatives but there is some good that can come from watching porn. For starters, it feels damn good. It allows you to release some of the pent up tension and anxiety that rage through your body.
Standards are extremely important when it comes to mastering women. If you give it away for free no one will want it because has little value. Developing standards can be quite difficult if you have been a ‘I’ll take what I can get’ type of guy. Porn can be an easy first step to integrating a higher set of standards.
Most men will jerk off to just about anything. Swim suit models, porn stars, naked women in national geographic magazines, it’s all the same to them. If the guy is remotely attracted to the erotic image he will get off.
Start by identifying what type of women really turn you on and stick to it. What do you like? Is it blonds, short girls, tall ones, punk, goth, black, white? Me personally, I like the type of women that you see on suicide girls. The typical blond bimbo you see gracing the cover of playboy does very little for me.
From there you can start to develop an appreciation for beauty vs. ‘oh my god, she’s so fucking hot.’ When you find a girl that really does it for you take time to appreciate her beauty. Don’t focus solely on her tits and ass. Enjoy her entire body and learn to appreciate how beautiful women really are.
I mentioned before that masturbating can bring up a lot of unresolved issues to the surface. Consciously masturbating and being aware when they do come up will allow you to transcend them. Without being able to spot your problems you won’t be able to change.
Once you can see and feel your issues the next step is to let them go. Here’s a little exercise that can help you out:
**note: this exercise may sound a little airy fairy but give it a try and you’ll see why I recommend it***
Lay down on your bed or in a chair with your spine straight and place your hands on the middle of your chest. Breathe deeply and close your eyes. Imagine yourself sitting in a peaceful and serene environment. You are sitting down in front of a river in a wooded area.
Breathe deeply as you think of what is holding you back. If your issue is ’sex is a sin’ reach up into your solar plexus (above your stomach, below your rib cage) with white hands and take hold of those words.
Take the words ’sex is a sin’ and bring it all the way up your spine and out the top of your head. Imagine placing the issue into the bright, white running river. Watch as that issue floats along the white river and disappears.
Repeat this exercise over and over until you have removed your issue. This exercise can be preformed on any belief, thought or emotion that is less than healthy.
Increased Sexual Energy
Do the following exercise lying down flat or in a chair with your spine straight as it can be.
Start by breathing very very deeply and very slowly through your nose and into the lower part of your belly. Breathe deep enough to the point where you feel it in your PC muscle (area between your genitals and your ass). Then slowly breathe out of your nose releasing the air.
Once you have that down, imagine white light coming into your nose from the outside, down your front and into your genitals and a little bit into your legs. Once your belly is full with air slowly breathe out imagining the white light coming up your spin, all the way to the top of your head and out. Then bring the white light down into your belly and up again.
This exercise should be done throughout the day but especially during sex. It will help increase your sexual energy as well as your orgasms.
Last Longer In the Sack
Fast pace masturbating can cause premature ejaculation. Watching porn while you take your time and breathe deeply will allow you to last longer. You will see exciting images and not blow your load.
For exercises to help you last longer sign up for the Inner Game Reframe Newsletter on the right and you will receive a free copy of my ebook-How to Lead Her Sexually. The ebook is full of exercises and insights to help you become a better lover.
About the Author
Alex Strandberg is a brutally honest, heart centered, charismatic, take no shit, compassionate, loving, chakra meditating, self educated, female bisexual promoting, Relationship Sex and Dating Master, Truth Seeking, Natural born leader, spiritual warrior, passionate writer and teacher.
TV shows like Sex and the City have brought female masturbation into the media, but many women haven't quite caught on. Sex researchers at the University of Indiana found that around 20% of women have masturbated in the last 30 days, and 40% within the last year. Comparatively, anywhere from 27 - 68% of men reported masturbating in the last 30 days, depending on age.
Contrary to popular stereotypes, women aren't less sexual than men - they're just not encouraged to play with their bodies the same way males are. How many films joke about teenage boys masturbating? (American Pie was even titled after that special scene!) Growing up, I didn't even know other girls practiced masturbation, but I sure knew boys did! Some women just need a little encouragement to feel comfortable being sexual. Read on for reasons to love female masturbation:
(1) Female masturbation helps women orgasm. In a survey by sex educators Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller, 88% of women who masturbated had orgasms versus only 48 % of women who did not masturbate.
In the same survey, they found women feel its easier to orgasm by masturbating than any other way - including intercourse, cunnilingus, and fingering. Sex is more than just orgasm, of course, and its possible to have amazing sex without it. But to state the obvious, orgasms are fun, and one of the most enjoyable physical sensations we can have. Use female masturbation to enjoy coming alone.
(2) If you have a significant other, you'll enjoy yourself more with them too. If you don't know your own body, don't expect your partner to. Romantic movies aside, men aren't born knowing how to touch the female body. Communication is necessary for good sex, and to communicate you must have something to say!
Some people think only single people masturbate, or that it means their partner has failed. On the contrary! If your partner is feeling jealous, tell them that your female masturbation will mean more pleasurable sex for them too. Playing with a significant other is fun, but if you rely on them as your only sexual release, you'll probably be disappointed. Even soulmates have different sex drives, fantasies, and preferences. When you're in touch with your body and share that with your partner, you'll both enjoy sex and feel more intimate. Female masturbation enhances your relationships.
(3) That age-old saying - you must love yourself first before anyone else can really love you. Female masturbation is bodily self-love, as cheesy as it sounds. Like a good diet, exercising, and relaxing -- female masturbation is another need to nurture your body. We live in a culture that makes females feel despise their bodies, where we're targets of violence simply for being female.
Making masturbation a regular part of your life communicates to yourself your body's needs are important. By yourself you can explore your desires safely and stir that part of yourself that is longing for something more fulfilling. Female masturbation can result in higher self-esteem, which will also affect your work and family life.
As masturbation proponent Betty Dodson says, "masturbation IS sex." We're so focused on partner sex that we forget about exploring our own sexuality. "Make love", fuck, play with yourself - however you say it, female masturbation means better sex and a happier life.
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